The High Price We Pay for Our Fear of Abandonment

“We find comfort among those who agree with us, and growth among those who don’t.”

— Frank A. Clark

How often do you stick to an opinion just because you feel you will be the odd one out? How often do you hold yourself back from following your dreams because you feel you will be left behind?

The fear of abandonment often makes us take decisions we don’t really want to take. It makes us pursue a universal purpose rather than identifying our own purpose. The social pressures and a strong community bonding often makes us vulnerable to attachments including opinions, goals, dreams and even relationships. And more often than not we follow someone else’s dreams and fulfil goals that do not align with our purpose. And it is during these times that despite the success we feel something is missing and keep brooding over everything that is wrong in life.

  1. Hypersensitivity to criticism

The fear of abandonment often makes people hypersensitive to criticism. They consider even positive criticism as a sign of their failure and feel highly depressed. And when you fail to accept criticism you close the doors for any improvement. You will forever be stuck in your own assumptions and shallow abilities without venturing out because whenever someone tries to challenge your ways you would retreat in your safety net. This becomes a huge roadblock in achieving goals and realizing your full potential because you do not give yourself a chance to accept criticism and work on it.

  1. Attachment

Have you ever pursued a goal just because you were too attached to it without realizing that it no more aligns with your purpose? Similarly many times we stay stuck in companies and jobs that do not serve us anymore just because we are afraid we will be left alone. This further delays our success and we end up in jobs we don’t love, doing things we don’t like and further wasting our life in pursuing goals that we don’t want to achieve. We end up with regrets for not pursuing our dreams and end up feeling miserable in life.

  1. Reluctance to fully commit

The fear of abandonment often causes an individual to be skeptical about everything. If he is handed over a project he is reluctant to fully commit to it, afraid that the project may be taken away from him if he doesn’t perform well. And since he doesn’t give his best often the project is transferred to someone else, which further strengthens the confirmation bias. Similarly people do not commit to their purpose in life with the fear that they would be left alone if they invested too much in it. This causes them to live an average life failing to realize their goals and ambitions.[1] 

  1. Aiming to please

Have you ever agreed with what your friends say even though you didnt agree with them? It could be as simple as going to watch a movie you dont like just because you were afraid you would be left behind. So many times we agree with people despite our reluctance just to please them. When the purpose of life is defined by what pleases someone else rather than your own heart it creates insignificant turmoils. The fear of missing out makes you invest your energies in things that do not align with the purpose of your life thereby delaying your success and a life that you truly deserve.

In this world of highly volatile selves, we are always looking out for people and places where we can feel that we belong. But often it causes people to deviate from their purpose. They fail to realize the potential in them and the fact that they are meant for so much more than just being a part of the crowd.

Create your own legacy. Believe in yourself and follow your purpose. When you are invested in living a life that aligns with your purpose you are never alone. You are in the presence of your ever consuming purpose that defines your life.

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